Terezia Farkas. International Bestselling Author. Columnist. Writes about dealing with depression.
When you're dealing with depression, a lot of things can set you off emotionally. But what about those who are around you? What sets off their emotions to explode at you with cutting words or dangerous actions?
I'll use my brother as an example. Sorry bro! I hope you don't mind because I'm not trying to push one of your buttons.
You see, depression made me deal with a lot of old dark emotions I hadn't dealt with, as well as new ones. The old ones I used to ignore or quietly store in the back of my thoughts to deal with later. That was back in the days when I was 'happy' and not depressed. Like most of us, I forgot about some of the hurts I had packaged away. Those memories and emotions weren't the focus of my present attention so they just stayed in memory storage. I was never a resentful person and I didn't go looking for painful memories.
Sure I had emotional buttons that you could push to get a reaction. Oddly enough, I never talked about the triggers even after I calmed down. I assumed that the person who had hurt me had enough common sense to realize what had set me off and not to do it again.
That's a mistake I made. And a mistake I think most people make without knowing it.
If you don't talk about what sets you off when you're calm, you won't have a chance to defend or explain yourself when you're angry and agitated. Resentments build, issues get clouded with distance, and eventually you forget the trigger point. My brother is a very kind person but sometimes he gets into a mood. He'll get extremely upset and unpleasant when certain emotional buttons are pushed. We all do that from time to time.
Because of my depression, we've sat down and talked things over to try and avoid pushing each other's buttons. That's always a good step. What upsets you? Let me know if I'm irritating you or pushing one of your buttons instead of freaking out. Tell the other person you need some time out or personal space because you don't want to get angry.
The thing with emotional buttons though is that they change over time. What irritated or set you off last year might not be the same this year. Life changes and so do you. So it's important to keep each other informed about personal issues. Telling someone what bothers you isn't a sign of weakness. It doesn't mean you 'lost' to the other person. What it really means is you're in touch with who you are as a person.
So before you get angry with someone, try to remember if the person even knows your emotional triggers. Sometimes all that's needed is a reminder. Sometimes its a talk redefining who you are as a person.
Terezia Farkas. International Bestselling Author, Huffington Post/ CNN contributor, columnist of Depression Help. Focus is mental health. Her bestseller Heart of Love Evolution – Surviving Depression is available on Amazon. Website: www.tereziafarkas.com Follow on Twitter.
CNN. Huffington Post. Depression Help columnist. International Bestselling Author